What does it mean to be a mom? That, I don’t know. I’m not there yet. All I know is the overwhelming feeling of love, pride, and loss. When I had to say goodbye to the two girls I love more than anything else, I cringe at the cliche, but it felt like my heart cracked open. I couldn't talk about it, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even drive home without pulling over. Tears swelled in my eyes for days and my heart is sinking just thinking about it as I sit at the dining room table glancing over at the little pots we made before they left. The cacti, whose soil fill those little works of art, are a reminder of the new opportunities that lie ahead for those amazing sisters in Mericopa, Arizona.

Yesterday was an incredibly beautiful day here in Grand Rapids, Michigan. The sun was out, it was around 74 degrees and  after too many weeks of rain and flooding it felt amazing. I had spent the morning catching up z's until around 10:30AM when I finally decided to throw on jeans and a tee and walk over to Common Ground for an iced latte. On my stroll to the Fulton Street Farmers Market I was enough lucky enough to run into a few friends I don't see often enough and I was feeling content with my decision to stick around this little big city. By the time Jonathan and I were walking down the aisles of the market I was feeling caffeinated motivated  and decided it was as good of a day as any to snag some herbs and get a start on my spring gardening. 

Ok, so for those of you who don't know, I am currently dating a beautiful man named Jonathan Williams. Our names have caused some confusion for both of us because we share the same last name but it's even MORE confusing for me because my little brother's name is actually John Williams. Most people know I have a brother but because he has his own set of friends and hobbies a lot of my Grand Rapids friends haven't actually met him before. This makes it a little weird when photos pop up on Facebook of Jonathan and I hugging flirtatiously. I'm sure it's caused a head-scratch or two. ;)

You know when you have one of those “I’m smarter than this” moments? The ones where, when you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror or a window, you think to yourself, “I probably shouldn't admit this to my mom…” (But of course, you always do.) Well, I had one of those moments a few weeks ago. At work. Go figure. It was the Friday, December 21st and I was enjoying the final moments before the adult version of “Christmas break” began and I decided to stick around to work out at our company gym. Most of my co-workers who use the gym work out in the morning or at lunch so I've been fortunate enough to literally never share the space with anyone. When I stay after hours to work out about 75% I’m the last person in the office, but on Fridays, I’m always the last one. Some of my co-workers had started sipping on Miller Lite around 3:30PM that day so I figured by the time I hopped off the treadmill around 6-6:30PM I’d be the lone duck responsible for turning off the lights. Keyword: thought.

[Unconscious Bias] We judge ourselves by our intentions but we judge everyone else by their outcomes.